Sorry for the long leave of absence. I have been busy working like a workaholic. And on the eve of the year, within minutes of 2009, I was forced to say some resolutions for 2009.
Now, I hate making resolutions. My only common resolution through the years was to lose 5 kgs. And in those years that I have that bloody resolution, I put on 5 kgs ( or more if Heaven decides I am a bigger joke than I already am). After a while, I realized that my resolutions are not working and the unwanted comes true instead. Hence , I throw my lose 5 kg resolution out of the door for a couple of years already. Glad to say, it is working.
So back to the new year resolution I had to make for 2009, I said I hope to progress in my career and start investing. Others talked about taking driving lessons. Driving lessons are not even in any of my resolutions for the next few years as
1) I suck at coordination. My arms and legs do not work together and are separate legal entities
2) I suck at directions.
3) I will increase the number of road rage cases (by making other road users angry at me)
4) I will contribute to the stereotype of female drivers.
But nowhere did I mention about my ultimate resolution of the year. Because if I mention it, it will never happen (refer to lose 5 kgs example above). But yeah, I will say it on my blog (because hopefully heaven doesn’t know who Mrs Lim is since I was born and registered under another name.)
To have a boyfriend
Yup, I have been single/unattached/”no stead” ever since I was born. My dating history is zilch and I am approaching 2 dozen years old. In 6 years time, I will be part of the government’s statistics of single career women. At work, I will be called the spinster (behind my botoxed back) and be branded as the most impossible type of boss/colleague you can have (single spinster female bosses past their prime or menopausal women belong to this category.) Every CNY, I will have to lose my dignity by receiving ang baos from my younger married cousins. I may even be suspected to be lesbian, and my butch haircut when i was 14/15 will not help in defraying the rumors. People may start asking me ‘where’s your partner?” instead of “where’s your bf?”.
Looking at all these scenarios, something has to be done. And this being a new (niu: ox/cow in chinese) year, I have to be proactive and do something. Yeah, since I am born in the year of the ox as well.
Luckily, I was given an idea by the Association of Bloggers (Singapore). Oxs are not known for their creativity anyway.
I hereby declare that I am forming the Association of Bloggers (Spinsters).
Spinster bloggers are like loose skin, they sag with time and are not united. They are also easily manipulated or banned at young forums for being too naggy and dispensing wise words of advise (eg. I eat more salt than you have eaten rice-> that’s why I need to go nkf).
The Association of Bloggers (Spinters) is a non-profit association (we need to save our money for the tummy tucks, face lifts and botoxs against fucking gravity. Bloody newton and his laws of gravity.) It is dedicated to promoting, protecting and educating its members about the best ways to nab men; and supporting the development of blogging as the new matchmaking platform. I hope eventually, the members of ABS will find suitable husbands.
What I am planning for my members :
1) Workshops conducted to educate spinsters on net etiquette and “how to flirt with that single cutie blogger”
2) Invite overseas eligible male (or meal. Depends on how you look at it) bloggers for a “hang-out” session with us.
3) Movie outing to “He’s Just Not That Into You”
4) Weekly bonding sessions on loser men, failed relationships and annoying relatives. I will cater a big room for the emotional baggages you lagged around, so do not worry about the lack of space.
Singaporean spinsters are invited to join this association. I am also thinking of engaging the government to think of policies to help us spinsters (eg. arranged marriages by law). Singapore is our country, and we spinsters have a duty to see that all our sisters are married.
We want to revive the ‘kampung spirit’ like the good old days, whereby our grandparents are married at young ages and have lots of children.
PS: Single male bloggers, please do not hesitate to email me2009-01-24