Yo Mama Jokes

Yo Mama

No offense to your mama but I’ve been reading lots of Yo Mama jokes lately and they are hilarious! Compiled and sorted them into 4 categories; Fat; Stupid; Big; Ugly.

After the jump. Enjoy. 😀

Yo Mama So Fat

Yo mama fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck

Yo mama is so fat her waist size is equator!

Yo mama so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!!!

Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo mama so fat God couldn’t light Earth till she moved!

Yo mama so fat her blood type is ragu.

Yo mama so fat her legs are like spoiled milk – white & chunky!

Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo mama so fat her nickname is “DAMN”

Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch’s good side!

Yo mama so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass.

Yo mama so fat I’ve known her all my life and I still haven’t seen ALL of her!

Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.

Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.

Yo mama so fat she accidentally got a 747 caught in her teeth.

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”

Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway.

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.

Yo mama so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA – FatAss Jeans

Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling “Free Willy.”

Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and Greenpeace tried to push her back in the water.

Yo mama so fat she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen!

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD’s and by the time they reached her waist they
spelled out boulevard.

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington’s nose.

Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo mama so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said “STOP THAT
TWINKIE!”

Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.

Yo mama so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.

Yo mama so fat she uses I-95 for a Slip ‘n Slide.

Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.

Yo mama so fat she was Miss Arizona — class Battleship.

Yo mama so fat she was mistaken for God’s bowling ball!

Yo mama so fat she was zoned for commercial development.

Yo mama so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!!!

Yo mama so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!!!

Yo mama so fat she went outside in a red dress and the neighborhood hollered “Hey
Kool-Aid!”

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Yo mama so fat she won “Miss Bessie the Cow 94.”

Yo mama so fat she’s got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo mama so fat she’s got her own area code!

Yo mama so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be aerial views!

Yo mama so fat that she can’t tie her own shoes.

Yo mama so fat that when God said ‘Let there be light’ he told her to move her fat old
butt over!’

Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

Yo mama so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn.”

Yo mama so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!

Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.

Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when
they want to clean it.

Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

Yo mama so fat to her “light food” means under 4 Tons!

Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn’t have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

Yo mama so fat we’re in her right now.

Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips!

Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get again.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride her!

Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, “Who threw that rock?”

Yo mama so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago…

Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she’s wearin tights!

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.

Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read “one at a time, please.”

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

Yo mama so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!!!

Yo mama so fat when she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her
back!

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”

Yo mama so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install
speed bumps.

Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo mama so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her…

Yo mama so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

Yo mama so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!!

Yo mama so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

Yo mama so fat her belly button’s got an echo.

Yo Mama So Stupid

Yo momma so dumb she sits on TV & watches the couch

Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said “Guess” so she said “Levi’s.”

Yo momma so stupid she asked you “What is the number for 911″

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma so stupid she couldn’t read an audio book.

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper.

Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl.

Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a spoon.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.

Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read.

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.

Yo momma so stupid she went to Disneyland and saw a sign that said “Disneyland Left” so she went home.

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

Yo momma so stupid that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.”

Yo momma so stupid she was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, “Sex?”, she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.”

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “O.K.”

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test!

Yo momma so stupid, she thought “Wu Tang” was an African orange drink!

Yo Mama So Big

Yo mama so big, her belly button’s got an echo.

Yo mama so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

Yo mama so big, she rollerskates on busses.

Yo mama so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

Yo mama so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker.

Yo mama so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.

Yo mama so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

Yo mama so big, she whistles bass.

Yo mama so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.

Yo mama so big, that they had to change “One size fit’s all” to “One size fits most”

Yo mama so big, they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

Yo mama so big, when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

Yo mama so big, when she bent down to tie her shoes, her face got burnt from re-entry.

Yo mama so big, when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

Yo mama so big, when she stands up the sun goes out.

Yo mama so big, when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on
her and sent her out to the runway.

Yo mama so big, when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

Yo Mama So Ugly

Yo mama so ugly, even Harry Knowles refused to date her.

Yo mama so ugly, even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her.

Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to be pissed drunk just to breast feed her.

Yo mama so ugly, her shadow gave up.

Yo mama so ugly, hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.

Yo mama so ugly, I heard your Father first met her at the Zoo.

Yo mama so ugly, instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.

Yo mama so ugly, minutes after she was born her Mother shouted ‘What a treasure!” and her Poppa said “Yes, now let’s go and bury her…”

Yo mama so ugly, people at the Zoo pay cash so they don’t have to see her…

Yo mama so ugly, she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.

Yo mama so ugly, she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly, she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!

Yo mama so ugly, she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt

Yo mama so ugly, she put Marilyn Manson out of business.

Yo mama so ugly, she put the Boogie man out of business.

Yo mama so ugly, she scared the stitching out of Frankenstein.

Yo mama so ugly, she was a guard at Snake Mountain

Yo mama so ugly, they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!

Yo mama so ugly, they gave her a middle name…’accident’.

Yo mama so ugly, they knew what time she was born because her face stopped the clock.

Yo mama so ugly, they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.

Yo mama so ugly, Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly, we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.

Yo mama so ugly, when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.

Yo mama so ugly, when she applied for the ugly contest they told her ‘NO Professionals’

Yo mama so ugly, when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!

Yo mama so ugly, when she was born the Doc smacked her face.

Yo mama so ugly, when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, “Damn it, can’t believe it’s Halloween already…”

Yo mama so ugly, when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours….and that was just for the quote!

Yo mama so ugly, your papa takes her to work each day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mama so ugly, your papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.

2008-04-06

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