its a long ago post

Today is quite a bad day. And this entry is backdated because my laptop’s wireless somehow decided to give up on me. I forgot to bring my ezlink and another impt card. I forgot to bring my umbrella and wore high heels. AND it rained heavily in the morning. Caught without umbrella, I have to call my project mate to pick me up.  I think my project mate OK is really nice. Smart. Funny. And not snotty despite being clever. At least he listens to my views compared to the ex-nice-project mate and miss-think-she-is-so-clever-project mate. And I realized that there is this other girl in the group whom the other 2 ignores, since she is a tad quiet and maybe different. I got sick of hanging out with the pretentious them since the early part of the school and became better friends with the quiet one. And she told me something which warmed my heart. Seriously, I don’t really like this project group. I think it is my worse project group this semester. But quiet one told me that she thinks our project group is the best one she ever had.

She used to work with smarter people and they talk down to her or give her the super easy parts to do. And refuse to listen to her views. Some of them even said in her face “let’s ignore her.” Well, fuck you snotty ones. Fuck your undeserved brain. Fuck your low EQ. And fuck your pathetic self. I feel really sorry for her. She said we are the only group who gave her substantial work to do and let her present her parts. Other groups let her present for 2 minutes or so for fear of her jeopardizing their grades. Well, we all learn from each other.

Seriously today miss-think-she-is-so-clever-project mate told the project group her sch which we can’t really tell cause obviously she hasn’t been displaying her intelligence but just wearing her raffles namesake as a tag. Whatever. Talk to my toes. And she let slip an info that she got distinction for a certain course. Whatever. When they were talking about this course they are taking now which they hate, I didn’t even mention that I got a distinction, cause it doesn’t really matter.

And I think I keep my emotions in check very well. In other words, I am so fake.

I think depression is setting in. I get angry at the slightest thing. And it is not the normal anger, it’s the anger whereby I feel a need to hit out physically. There was one day, I was so angry with my dad, I displayed my anger in the lift. I scared myself when I slammed the umbrella into the lift. At that moment, I would have gone on slamming the umbrella until the whole lift plunge down. It’s scary.

I need to reconcile my private side with my public side. Cause my public side is showing a happy individual while my private side is emotional, depressed and moody.

I am so angry with my laptop for giving up on me when I need it the most. Did I mention I hate you lappie? Well, I have less internet distraction. Shall accomplish all 3 tasks tonight minus the internet research.

2007-05-19

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